42-year-old husband wants to use wife's travel points to visit his mother who repeatedly harasses his wife: 'I'm done. I'm not booking his flights. I'm not paying'

Author image for JR Atkinson
JR Atkinson • Writer and Editor
Jun 18, 2025 10:00 AM EDT

Most of us are probably familiar with dealing with a relative who you don't get along with. Whether it's a sibling, a cousin, a distant aunt, or an in-law, odds are there's at least someone in your circles who you just don't see eye to eye with. You hold opposite opinions and values, or maybe you just got off on the wrong foot. Either way, you're trying to work through it. Maybe you want to just avoid each other whenever you can, though perhaps you're required to see each other at family gatherings. 

Or maybe you're trying to build a bridge between you, emphasizing your similarities rather than your differences. Or maybe you're just trying to ignore them and their effect on you. But sometimes, no matter how hard you try, they get under your skin anyway. Or maybe they use the people closest to you to hurt you. 

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  • 01

    AITA for being furious that my husband canceled our vacation but is now going on one with his mom-using my travel points?

    I (31F) have been fighting with my husband (42M) over his family. His mother and stepfather are especially toxic. MIL is a classic "boy mom"- controlling, ride, boundary- stomping. She called me the C-word at our wedding and got kicked out of our rehearsal dinner. Her husband is equally chaotic. They're both alcoholics and affluent, which makes them feel entitled to control our lives -even from across the country.
    via u/More_Blacksmith6854
  • 02
    Cheezburger Image 10518445824
    via Unsplash+ (Getty Images)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • That's what happened in this story where a woman tried the best she could to fortify her relationship with her husband but her evil mother-in-law got to her anyway. When she tried to plan a vacation with just her and her husband, somehow things got way more complicated than she anticipated. Read on for the story.  

  • 03
    My husband is a good man, but he makes dumb choices and struggles to stand up to his family. He will defend me sometimes, but acts like he deserves praise for it. For example: she called me fat at dinner (I'm 5'4", 115 lbs-not that it matters). He waited until the next day to say something because he wanted to "let her sober up" and "think it through." He also often refuses to make plans with me if he hasn't visited his mom recently—but won't plan visits either because he hates seeing them.
    via u/More_Blacksmith6854
  • 04
    The real issue: about a month ago, he borrowed $2,500 from his mom without telling me. He said it was for a side business. I have a savings account that could've covered it, but I would've expected him to repay it and sit down with me to budget. My MIL regularly spends that amount of money on bar tabs. I feel like my husband ran to her instead to avoid adulting.
    via u/More_Blacksmith6854
  • 05
    I planned a two-week vacation for us and our dogs this summer. I paid for it and did all of the planning. All he had to do was request time off. At the last minute, he said he couldn't get time off and got upset when I wanted to go alone.
    via u/More_Blacksmith6854
  • 06
    Then, his mom and stepdad offer to forgive the $2,500 if he visits them this summer-in the exact window we were supposed to be on vacation. Their words were: "Just use your wife's points."
    via u/More_Blacksmith6854
  • 07
    He thinks this is a great deal. He wants to use my travel points, have me stay home to care for the pets, and act like this is all normal. I told him I'm incredibly disappointed. He says he understands, but this is a "too good to pass up" opportunity and wants my help booking the trip.
    via u/More_Blacksmith6854
  • 08
    No. I'm done. I'm not booking his flights. I'm not paying. I'm not planning anything for a trip I'm not even invited on after canceling our vacation. I'm the planner in our relationship, but he's capable. He can read. So... AITA for being furious and refusing to fund or organize a trip that benefits everyone but me?
    via u/More_Blacksmith6854
  • 09

    Commenters saw through the story to point out what was really going on here.

    jmurphy42.8m ago What happened to "I couldn't get time off?" His boss won't give him time off to travel with you but is happy to give him time off to visit his Mom on the exact same days? How dumb does your husband think you are?
    via u/jmurphy42
  • 10
    Cheezburger Image 10518446080
    via Taylor Friehl

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 11
    Affectionate-Plan-23 28m ago • Runnnnnnnnnn it is only going to get worse - at 42 years old he is not going to change! You deserve better!
    via u/Affectionate-Plan-23
  • 12
    hmo_ 19m ago • My suggestion: spend the vacation money with an attorney (the divorce kind). It would be a better usage for it.
    via u/hmo_
  • 13
    Emfuser 14m ago NTA . Your husband's family is a chaotic nightmare of abusers and you really should reconsider your criteria for regarding him as a "good man" when he behaves like a spineless, dishonest momma's boy. You should be running like h I to get away. from all of them.
    via u/Emfuser
  • 14
    cuter_than_thee • 35m ago Your husband is NOT a good man. He doesnt support you and lets his mother treat you horribly. Do not let this happen. Keep the holiday you planned and go have a blast, with or without him.
    via u/cuter_than_thee
  • 15
    Midwest Nightgirl • 45m ago Lawd, you married an immature mamas boy. This is all on him. I think you should tell him that his loan is none of your business. Take the vacation on your own, maybe invite your bff.
    via u/MidwestNightgirl
  • 16
    Summertime_Stevie 19m ago • You're definitely NTA this man does not respect you take your money, points, and pets and leave him. Love yourself away from this awful man
    via u/Summertime_Stevie
  • 17
    Mz_No-Soul_Ginger • 36m ago EDIT: NTA — Listen. You may - think this will end or change or one day he will choose you. If you plan on having kids, it will only get worse, I promise. Run. Toxic family is not worth your mental health. You will find someone who has a family that actually likes you! (Speaking from full experience of a 4 year marriage with a man and his family who hated me because I didn't take sh )
    via u/Mz_No-Soul_Ginger
  • 18
    brookmachine • 35m ago So you married a guy 11 years older than you but somehow you're still the only adult in the house? He is who he is and at his age he's not likely to change. He's always going to run to mommy and she'll always have money to dangle over his head like a carrot. At 42 he needs you to book his trip for him? At 42 he's calling his mother to borrow money for a non emergency situation and hiding it from you? This guy is not life partner material.
    via u/brookmachine
  • 19
    . HopefulHotel5195 • 1h ago NTA!!!! ok, this is all so twisted, and in general your seem pretty aware of that, but one of the wildest parts to me is whatever weird logic he and his mom are living in re: money. like, that's so weird, that she is loaning him money
    via u/HopefulHotel5195
  • 20
    and then offering to forgive it in exchange for a visit. and it doesn't even seem like he is typically reluctant to visit? it sounds like an extremely weird codependency. how long have you guys been married? maybe he should look into alanon. you could too! but i hear it is very helpful as the child of a drinker
    via u/HopefulHotel5195
  • 21
    and obviously, like, are you KIDDING ME, do NOT pay for that trip with your points or otherwise, don't plan a THING for him, it would be bad enough if he were weirdly inviting you on vacation with his scary mom who hates you but not even INVITING U is WILD
    via u/HopefulHotel5195
  • 22
    • Hangry_Hippopot... 43m agom NTA, but girl. You say he's a good man, but then you go on to describe multiple things that a good man wouldn't do. I would be going on that vacation and seriously thinking about my relationship!
    via u/Hangry_Hippopotamus_
  • 23
    DirectorDysfunction · 24m ago This seems very one sided. You're much younger than he is and you have your sh together-he does not. He's not a good man, at all.
    via u/DirectorDysfunction
  • 24
    1000thatbeyotch · 4m ago NTA. You will be, however, if you don't file for divorce. The utter audacity of him and his mother thinking that you will fund his travel is laughable.
    via u/1000thatbeyotch
  • 25
    Typical_Assistant... . 35m ago Oh honey, that's not the real issue here. The real issue is the fact that your husband sees nothing wrong with your mother-in-law insulting you at every opportunity. The real issue is that your husband will not stand up for you. If my
    via u/Typical_Assistant
  • 26
    mother had called my husband a slur at our wedding, no less, we would absolutely go no contact with her. 100%. Years ago, my mother said something unkind about my husband and I yelled at her to never speak about him like that again and you know what?
    via u/Typical_Assistant
  • 27
    She didn't. The fact that your mother-in-law feels very comfortable and very entitled to say what she wants, when she wants, regardless of how much it hurts you and your husband does little to nothing about it? That's very concerning.
    via u/Typical_Assistant
  • 28
    jendo7791 47m ago NTA for being furious, and for all the reasons everyone else has already mentioned. YTA for putting up with it and staying with him.
    via u/jendo7791

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